Untitled
by serenitysuicide
Summary: Something is wrong with Shuichi. Hes sad and depressed and thinks he has found the answer. One sided Shiro. ANGST CUTTING SELFHARMING. Fic better then summary. Please R&R! UPDATED! Now a Multipart!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer - I dont own Gravitation however I do tend to act like Im in it... notthatthathasanythingtodowithit...

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**SHUICHI SHINDOU POV**

"Hey Shuichi!"

I groaned.

"You've been in there for ages. Is there anything wrong?"

I grimaced at the pain shooting through my thigh. "No Hiro I'm fine really," I lied. I was good at lying really. Most of my life was lies.

"Well okay then but you better hurry up. K's polishing his magnum," came the reply of the guitarist on the other side of the door.

I reached for the toilet role and pressed it into the gaping self inflicted wound on my right inner thigh. "Ill be out in a minute," I rushed, trying desperetly hard no to let the panic show in my voice at blood spilled from the cut, which would stain my jeans with obvious crimson blood.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine Hiro!" God what would it take to convince him and make him leave me alone. I heard him walk over to the bathroom door and pause for a moment. Audibly sighing before eventually leaving and I turned my attention to the long deep gash. It was deep. Much deeper then it should have been. Everything would have gone better if Hiro hadn't walked in.

Damn how would I get out of this? The cut was deep. It really should have stitches. And even if I did bandage it up then the pressure on my leg would probably reopen it.

I banged my head, hard, against the cubical wall. Since I was in the end one on the row, which just happened to be a brick wall. I had forgotten my first aid kit, with my bandages in it. It was in my bag back in the studio. I'd just have to wrap toilet paper around my leg tightly and hope for the best. I'd just have to deal with it when I got home. I shuddered at the thought of 'home', as I stood slowly. Careful to clean up after myself.

The fourth floor toilets at NG were empty besides my self now. I could hear the faint murmur of music from the other studios nearby. I slowly opened the cubical door and padded over to the sink, splashing cold water onto my face to make me feel more alive… it didn't. But I shook my head and smiled, putting back my happy, hyperactive, fake mask and went to face the wrath of K. I knew that I wouldn't get any food today. Then again I've lost a lot of my appetite anyway. Though another part of me knew too that sooner or later Hiro would come looking for answers.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer - I dont own Gravitation however I do tend to act like Im in it... notthatthathasanythingtodowithit...

**HIROSHI NAKANO POV**

I've known for a while that something has been bothering Shuichi, my crazy pink haired best friend. I've never know what it is but slowly, since he met Yuki, he's changed. It's been so subtle though that I don't think that anyone else has noticed. But I have. The way that he'd spend ages just staring into space more then likely thinking. Only being broken from his gaze when touched and even then it'd have to be quite forceful.

Our lunch break began about 45 minutes ago. The large white clock ticked slowly, the noise echoing in my head. Shuichi had plodded off to the toilet, it must have been at least 40 minutes ago. As soon as we finished I could see him practically try to escape the studio but he kept being called into random conversations until he came up with the excuse 'I need to rest my voice' before leaving.

I don't know why it bothered me so. The fact that he'd been gone just over half an hour, which was plenty of time to drown himself in the toilet bowl. Though he had said that he didn't feel well this morning, so perhaps I'm just worrying over nothing.

"Hiro?"

I raised my gaze from my coffee cup, up to our keyboardist Suguru. Had he changed his hair colour again? I'm sure it was purple yesterday and now it was green!

"Staring into your empty coffee cup wont make it refill you know Nakano-Kun," he said as I placed it down on the table and smiled at him.

"Sorry, I was just thinking…" For a moment I doubted whether or not I should tell him but then again maybe he could help. "Have you noticed anything different about Shuichi?"

"Come to think of it…" he paused, setting his own cup on the table, this time of strong English earl grey tea. "He hasn't been as 'bouncy' I guess today. Well he really hasn't been for a while I suppose."

I nodded and inwardly cringed when a hand landed firmly on my shoulder. I knew what was coming next. It was up to me to go and check on Shuichi. "Thanks for volunteering came my manager's voice encouragingly. When I turned to face the blonde he was happily petting the magnum that was secure in his chest holster. Yea, I could take the hint.

I rolled my eyes and stood up. "Good, you now have exactly 10 minutes to get your asses back here. We do have an album to finish! We wouldn't want Ryuichi Sakuma and Nittle Grasper to beat us with their new album would we?"

I rolled my eyes as I turned away from the maniac blonde to Suguru who went on sipping his tea, looking over his notes for his school exams. The toilets weren't that far away from our studio; they were really just at the end of the corridor near the lift. When I walked in I could have sworn that there was no one in there. As I was about to leave I heard a small quite shuffle from the cubicle farthest away from the door where I was. "Shuichi? You've been in here for ages… Is there anything wrong?" I walked over to the sinks and leant against the one opposite where I figured he was. I was beginning to think that perhaps it wasn't Shuichi in there since I was getting no reply. K-San's threat echoing in my mind.

"No Hiro…" He paused and I could hear him shift and sniffle. "I'm fine… Really!"

_Like hell you are Shuichi_ I thought and my heart tightened in my chest. "Well okay then… But you better hurry up," something metallic dropped to the marble tiled floor and clattered, though I don't think he noticed. He was too busy pulling out long roles of toilet tissue. "K is polishing his magnum!" Damn there was something wrong! Id never felt this concerned before in my whole life. I was aching for him to tell me. Why wouldn't he tell me! He always considered me his best friend no matter what, so why wouldn't he tell me!

"Ill be out in a minute Hiro!" God, I hate Shuichi's forced happy voice. It pisses me off and it just isn't right.

"Are you sure that you're okay Shu?"

"Yes I'm fine!" Now he was getting edgy. I sighed and slowly walked to the door and paused, giving him one last chance to change his mind, but I guess he didn't and I found myself walking through the door and then away from the toilets in the opposite direction of the studio. I needed to know what was wrong with him. It was like he was a completely different person now. Damn I loved him… I REALLY loved him! Since forever I suppose. I noticed the smallest things that others wouldn't notice perhaps even Yuki. How Shu would bite down on his tongue while it stuck out of the side of his mouth. Or how he would let his muscles soften as soon as he drank some hot chocolate. Never tea or coffee… caffeine didn't agree with him. Well it did but when it didn't it didn't agree with the people around him. Usually because they were running around from the hyperactive pink fluff ball. But I loved him so much, that I would do anything so that he would be happy and right now he most obviously isn't.

I heard the door to the toilets open as I turned the corner, I don't think he saw me. About a third of me wanted to respect his own privacy which is what I would have liked him to do but another third wanted me to go and see what it was which he had dropped in the cubicle. A final third and it was probably best this side didn't win was to kidnap Shuichi and hold him against me so tight that hed realize that I would never ever let him go. No matter what was troubling him.

I still had 5 minutes before I had to be back. Anymore then that and I would more then likely receive a bullet to the brain from K-San's magnum.

Shuichi had only just reached the studio by the time that I got to the toilets and I had the feeling that whatever it was that he had dropped was still here. The cubical that he had been in looked just like a regular toilet. Though uncharacteristically the toilet seat was down with pink streaks on the white surface. As I kneeled down something glinted in the corner of my eye and as I picked it up a pain shot through my hand.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer - I don't own Gravitation however I do tend to act like I'm in it... notthatthathasanythingtodowithit..._

**Shuichi Shindou POV**

_Damn it! _I thought as I tried not to limp through the monotone painted corridor. By now other studios on the floor were beginning to empty with employees and musicians retreating down to the first floor refectory for their break. What I really didn't need right now was the strange and confused glances from them. Perhaps I could get out of the rest of today's work if I said that I was ill and that was the reason that I was on the toilet so long. I doubted that K would somehow believe that, but it was worth a try.

I can feel blood seep through the wound, saturating the toilet tissue wrapped around it, with each step that I took. It wouldn't be soon until the denim material of my jeans would be too. I couldn't go in like this! And everyone would just complain and moan at me, saying that we would be there all day or something annoying like I wasn't giving it a hundred percent but its kind of difficult when your world is falling around all around you. Like you felt that life was pointless and so was your very existence. Sure it brought joy and happiness to all of my fans and when I was on stage singing it felt like I was singing with my soul. But no one really understood me. Yes there is more to Shuichi Shindou than this bob of candy floss hair and as fans would and have said 'my extremely fuckable ass'. No one has even come close. Not Yuki, not Hiro, not even my parents. Perhaps it's because I don't want them to see the real me… the one that has only one cure to panic attacks and stress… cutting myself.

I sighed absently stroking the cut. Feeling the pain throb through my thigh. Yes, I was alive! But sometimes I wish that I wasn't.

From here in the corridor I could hear K's threats… I wasn't in the mood for them. I could hear Suguru's pissed off comments… I wasn't in the mood from them either. Or Sakano-san's whirlwinds into the wall. I could hear his banging out here.

A glance into the studio portrayed even more pain, questions… more then likely guns too. Down the corridor and away from the crowed studio was freedom. At least until the end of the day. Escape seemed somewhat of a better option right now even though I had no idea where I would go. I wouldn't go back to Yuki's today. I sighed and took a deep breath as I ran towards the stairs at the back of the building.

Arguments between the band members of Bad Luck always ended up with me trying to find the quickest way out of the building. Usually without the media parked out front 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, noticing.

The stairs led down to the back ally of the building. The entrance that bands used when they were being chased by fan… I would say girls but lately there have been lots of male fans after me too. It's insane! The ally is small and no matter how much NG tried to keep the mini gap between buildings clear it was always getting clogged up with rubbish.

I sighed and stretched feeling a weight lifted off my chest the moment I had stepped outside. Patting down my clothing, I found my wallet and my mobile. My wallet contained enough money for me to get drunk and the removable cover to my phone hides secret razor blades, which were always there, incase of emergences which were frequent occurrences in my life and I always needed my phone with me.

I pulled my hood above my head trying to hide as much as I possibly could of my pink mop of hair so that I wouldn't be recognized and I made my way out onto the busy main road. The day was cloudy and the first drops of April rain were beginning to fall onto the bustling Tokyo population, who mainly had umbrellas and hoods up so I wouldn't look out of place.

I had no where to go. Blood was now beginning to stain my jeans from the strenuous activity of running that I had done before and rain was now soaking me to the bone since my jacket wasn't even water proof I had left that one along with my bag and first aide kit in the studio.

_Dammit!_ I cursed and purposefully walked into a lamp post… No one noticed. Not even an 'are you okay?' I could feel a welt growing on my forehead and bloody dripping over my face. Great two wounds now. Just shows how much people are caught up in their own little worlds worrying about where the next paycheck is coming in.

So… What to do now? Its one o'clock. I don't suppose there are any bars open now are there? Yes. Lately poor innocent Shuichi Shindou has been pulling a Yuki. I've been drinking. Not that drinking alcohol is a bad thing. Especially vodka running through my veins warming me up is nice. Just what I need now really. I'm shivering, bleeding and lonely but my feet don't want to stay still for some reason. They don't even want to stop when I hear that familiar voice behind them. Its just ignored by them and somehow I want to ignore it too. Why would he be here of all people.

"Shuichi? What are you doing in the rain you look like crap!"

Yes that voice. It's all part of my imagination. Even if Yuki were here then he wouldn't even be talking to me. Well trying at least because as soon as his hand landed on my shoulder, as much as I would want them to hold me. Protect me and tell me that everything would be okay but I found myself bolting as fast as I could. Right now I couldn't face the one man who treated me like a prostitute.

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Mobile is the UK version of I think its called a cell phone or something.

I prefer the title escort but since I'm trying to make Yuki seem evil even though he isn't… At least in this fic. Shuichi is confused and very angry at the world right now.

**tokasyriu** – Heyho babe :) Yea I'm going to be working on this for a while now instead of my other one. And I can't tell you what's going to happen… it's a secret:P

**Aelan **– Yes it is mean and im sorry but I really can't afford to fail my courses at college right now so… ill be very sow.

**Everyone else who commented / reviewed **– Thank you so much :)


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